So I'm an honest and direct person, even to my own detriment. I just don't see a reason for not being as clear and cogent with one another as possible in order to understand ourselves and each other as effectively as possible. The problem is that others do see a reason, I just can't figure out what it is. Don't misunderstand, I'm playful in both conversation and physicality, and I understand the need for emotional support, I gess I just get carried away and play harder than others like. to top it off, I'm pretty damn smart. Just in the sense that I've absorbed a wide array of knowledge in my 21 years. That scares the hell out of people. I consider discussing challenging topics a compliment, others seem to feel insulted or something. Most everyone likes me initially, but after intrigue boils off and I suppose I raise my bar for a friend, They run scared. Those that are self-preservative enough to keep me at a distance do just that, they tend to enjoy, maybe admire me even from afar, and only in large group settings. I know I sound like an asshole, but I really am a kind, others-oriented guy who appreciates being directly challenged to be better, and one who hasn't found others who feel the same way. Maybe ever. I've never seriously considered hiding or changing who I am until now --I just can't handle the consistency of this pattern anymore! I really don't know how to weigh the import of integrity with that of the ability to convey that to others. What good is good unless it's shared? I've written so much more here than I ever planned to that I just feel crazy now all over again! There were thoughts just typed that I hadn't considered yet!